Because, Sometimes You’re Afraid

ORIGINALLY POSTED 4/3/2013 

*this is still true today, 7/10/2017, if not EVEN MORE SO*

There is a common misconception about me.

“oh, Hallie? She’s fearless”

“Hallie? She is SO BRAVE”

I hear that, oh, ALL the time. All the time. I’ve been hearing it since, well, at least since I was about 21, and headed off the Brazil…

But, today, I am going to let you in on a little secret.

I get scared, ALL THE TIME.

All the time.

I go swimming in the tropical ocean?

I worry EVERY SINGLE TIME I dive into that ocean.

about

Jellyfish

Stingrays

Drowning

Tsunamis

Monsters that live in the sand and will reach up and grab my legs and suck me down and keep me as their slave in an underwater air bubble parallel reality…

I’m alone with my kids, in a country with no 911, no do-gooder Samaritan neighbors… and my husband is on another continent, and everything is dark, and all are asleep.

I lay in the dark, fearing

Rapists

Burglars

Child-stealers

Government officials, who hate The One I Love

Oh, or cockroaches swarming over me

Then the alarm in my basement goes off, so I grab the baseball bat from under our bed, tuck mace in the waste band of my PJs, and head down to investigate. And I am so scared, I think I am going to pee my pants.

Every time I climb on a motorbike, even though I have done it a thousands times, as I speed down the gravel road, or highway, I get mind-numbingly, brain-scrambling scared.

about

concussions

broken necks

paralysis

road burn covering my body

getting hit by a car

my thighs looking fat, all squeezed and gelled on the seat

Get it? These are just 3 tiny examples.

I get scared.

I get worried.

And I have fears, many of them with a capital F.

Especially living as an expat, I experience a new, or old FEARS every day of my life.

This is the deal, though.

I don’t let my life be defined by my fears.

I don’t make decisions influenced by my fears.

I live BIGGER than fear.

Have I not commanded you be strong, and courageous! Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged!

In YOU I take refuge

You are my rock, and my fortress

You are my ever present help in time of trouble

The eyes of the Lord see far

Do you not know? Have you not heard? He does NOT grow weary or sleep!

I beat the crap out of my fears every day.

I lock them up, and I beat them down, and I stand on top of them.

When I hesitate before jumping into the ocean, I scream these truths out to my spirit, and I dive, and I come up smiling.

When I am alone in my bed, in the dark, I fall asleep, not counting sheep, but saying, over and over.

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for YOU LORD, make me safe”

*ps 4:8

When I my body starts to shake, because I am so scared of driving a motorcycle, I pull over, and I praise Him for making these arms, these legs, that obey the directions of my brain, make safe, and thoughtful driving decisions, and I head back out on the road with joy and thankfulness for the wind on my face.

Our fears stare us in the face.

Our kids getting hurt.

Death

Political freedoms

Even “silly” things…

Someone will laugh at you

You have to get an immunization

Take a blood test

Squish a spider that got into your house

As I swam in the ocean today, I felt something brush my leg, and pure panic rushed through my veins. I looked, there was nothing, so I lay on my back, and floated, face to the sun, repeated the words that are true, and I thought of YOU my friends and family.

 

Today, I shared my fears with you, because I LOVE YOU. I want you to be PUSHED TOWARD your fears. I want you to find the courage to face them, and defeat them. I want you to live fully, with confidence that oozes out of your pores, and with a smile that gives glory to the ONE WHO HAS DEFEATED FEAR!