It was supposed to be
You and me
Grey hairs
Wrinkled fingers entwined
Foreign movie on the screen
Sundance festival image flickering
You and me
In this theatre
100 years old
and counting
Instead
Here I am
Your body laid out
Cold
The essence of you is gone
Has been gone
For some time
I don’t know when it was
I realized you weren’t there
I have my suspicion
But
I can’t be certain
They said it would come in waves
This grief
And
They were right
They said I would say goodbye in stages
They were right
I move over your body
I know you aren’t here
But I remember
When you were
Your shoulders
Broad
Tanned
Muscled
Angling down to a waist
Gaunt from fasting
Carharts hanging
I touch
The lines I know so well
Goodbye
Months pass
And here we are
In this room again
Your lips
I don’t remember the last time I kissed them
I remember the first
Goodbye
Another season comes and goes
I watch a movie alone
And like a surge in the ocean
Your hands
Can’t we just bury you and be done?
But no
I touch the lines
Run my fingers over the ragged nails
They knew me
And
they didn’t even scratch the surface
Good riddance
I want to scream
But it turns into a wail
13 years was a drop in the bucket
I scream it to God
She hears
It was supposed to be a hundred
Don’t you fucking care
How long
Does it take
To say goodbye?
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